Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head. The third guy sees a guy laughing his head off. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..." "What's so funny about that?" "It blew my neighbor's house apart!"
A guy survived a bad car accident with broken leg, arm and teeth. Then the doctor and nurse enter and ask him how is he. He answers that he's good. He offers them some hazelnuts and they took some and eat them and doctor asks him: -Why do you eat hazelnuts? You don't have teeth. -Oh, I don't actually eat hazelnuts, I eat chocolate with hazelnuts, but I spit out the hazelnuts.(grose, isn't it?)
158 posts Serbia & Montenegro, Serbia, Belgrade. joined
#21
Here's the best one:
Two guys are talking in the bar: -Did you know that I was in the mall and I got in the elevator and the fuses have blown and I got stuck in the elevator for 2 hours? -Hey, I've been in the mall today and when the fuses have blown I got stuck on the up-going stairs.
those arn't really v.funny... the best ones are the dirty ones lol.. are we allowed to post em... as long as there not to bad??
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that''s going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you''re a penguin, doesn''t it?"
2.Just browsing
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."
3.Yo Mama...
Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.
4. the moral of this story...
Okay there is this bad ass kid in school and his teacher asks him to tell a story and the moral of the story. so, The bad ass kid (Jimmy) says "phhht fine. My aunt was in the military, She walked into an enemy tower and 9 enemy soldiers came out of what seemed no where." every what in class said "OHH!!! what happened next?" Jimmy responded, "She only had a gun with three bullets, a knife, and a jug of tequila." Every one in class stares amazed, Jimmy continues, "she jumped in the air and shot three people in the head, and stabbed the crap out of the remaining 6. Then she took a big swig of tequila." The teacher asked "Very, Interesting story, whats the Moral?" Jimmy responded, "don't piss off my aunt when she has tequila."
Almost_therethese were told in my old joke thread.
1. Mad Cows
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that''s going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you''re a penguin, doesn''t it?"
2.Just browsing
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."
Almost_therethese were told in my old joke thread.
1. Mad Cows
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that''s going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you''re a penguin, doesn''t it?"
2.Just browsing
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."
