Tell your jokes here

Wait wait wait, here we go;

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005:


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]

I can't remember if this one has been told in this topic before, but here it is anyway...

http://bgeiger.net/weblog/archives/2005/11/12/best-blonde-joke-ever/

That is the best blonde joke I've heard. Well worth it once you find it.

Hehehe... Blonde jokes....

Ok, so a blonde walks into a shop and asks if she can buy a microwave. The owner says that they don't sell anything to blondes. So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red, and then comes back and asks for a microwave. The owner says they don't sell anything to blondes. The blonde asks how he knew she was blonde.

"Because this is a TV shop."

I should hope everyone knows that one though....

A highway patrolman pulled along side a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bull horn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

-----------------------------------------------------

And just to be fair, one for blondes.

-----------------------------------------------------

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop. She jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers starred at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought you were watching."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

I got a real lame joke I told my dad he couldnt stop laughing.


Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.



HAHAHAHA, **sigh** told u its lame.

Question - What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Answer - JOE MOMMA!

ROFL!1ONE1!

Ok well that was lame.

olofmolemanI can't remember if this one has been told in this topic before, but here it is anyway...

http://bgeiger.net/weblog/archives/2005/11/12/best-blonde-joke-ever/

Damnit olofmoleman, you made me clicking 2 times before I realised the idea behind it

Hmm....
(no offense to richard simmons, I think he's an excellent person)

What do the Balrog, Richard Simmons, and a fire elemental all have in common?
They're all flaming! Ok, that was bad

What's funnier then watching C-3PO getting his head taken off?
Jar-Jar Bink's head getting taken off!

What's a corn-cob's favourite dog?
A husky!! But wait, there's more!!

What did George Lucas say to Jar-Jar Binks after episode 1?
Nothing. We took Jar-Jar's head off two jokes ago...

And finally,

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "It's really hot in here." The other turns and screams "Agg! A talking muffin!"

Shut up, I'm not corny at all. I just have a lot of barbecues! (drum set; dun-dun tsch!)

JarrardKOQuestion - What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Answer - JOE MOMMA!

ROFL!1ONE1!

My friends lol'd at that... I guess it wasn't too lame.

What's funnier then watching C-3PO getting his head

taken off?
Jar-Jar Bink's head getting taken off!

What did George Lucas say to Jar-Jar Binks after episode 1?
Nothing. We took Jar-Jar's head off two jokes ago...

Thats not funny...

KerriganTwo muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "It's really hot in here." The other turns and screams "Agg! A talking muffin!"

I'd already said that one but I guess it doesn't hurt to have it where everyone can see it with out going through the pages. It's a damn funny joke.

indeed it is...






and so is your face...









seriously.

Which one? my ghoul's face (Avatar) or my RL (Real Life) face? cos I think both are,

Ok, ok. let me get some better progressive jokes then.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put it in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.

It's a meeting of all of the animals in the animal kingdom. Which animal doesn't show up?
The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.

I'll bet that one's been told already though.